i'm walking down the corridor of hawaii's international airport thinking to myself 'is this still the fucked joke that it initally was, or have i convinced everyone it's truth?'
Then i hungged good-bye and watched another person fly out of my life. although this situation was a little perennial to what i am used to.
all my life, i have been the observer. the kid on the outside looking in. not trying to fit in because you cant observe something you are a part of. so when it falls to be to be a part of something, i find myself to have sociopathic tendencies. thus the meaning to the first paragraph.
is it a heightened state of mind that causes deep thought or the lack of minding. see, i dont give a fuck about much. i care about impressing myself, i care about food and i care about the person i maybe in love with at the point in my life. but in the last five years of my life i found that it is easy for me to drop everything and move on to something new. but i always find myself thinking about things way to much.
for instance in the act of going to a mess hall, eating ans leaving. things that usually pass thought through my head consist of: i wonder where the silverware was made? do the people who make it ever think about the impact they make on peoples lives? because without silverware we'd be the same a primates. are people watching me, judging me? good, it means im important enough to be thought about when i walk into a room? does everything think as much as i do? whats going through the average persons head on the evryday basis?
The point of this isn't to pad my self-esteem. its to prove the point that i observe. instead of recognizing aquiantences, i keep to myself and pondering the meaning of life. but i by no means think my self higher than any other man. which perplexes me.
but the point of this rant to beg the question of differences between personal perspectives on reality. a mechanic may not have a college degree but he much more intelligent in the ways on combustable motors than say a medical doctor and visa verca. this example goes the same with life in general. different people different experiences. Two people can go to the same event, an execution of a murderer, but their experiences can be completely different. one could be the mother of the murderer and the othe the mother of the victim. since this is true then why is it so important in american society to achieve in others peoples eyes when the only thing that really matters is to achieve for yourself.
call it selfishness, or insolence or whatever the cae maybe. but one thing i know is that i dont give a fuck what anyone thinks. i know that my perspective is looked down upon. but i just proved everyone who looks down upon that perspective wrong.
