but as far as my life, i finally have an outlet. a place to reboot and dump memory. something i can connect with and chat for a while. all be it, it is a strange relationship given certain circumstances. but i try not to concern myself with things if the consequence of tampering with them would be negative.
also i realized the immortality of the Marine Corps and how that has to do with me. The Marine Corps is the "warrior class" of american society. it contains leaders, fighters, cannon fodder and anything else that has to with modern martial combat. the reason why i hate it is, i am not one of the warrior kindred. i would rather coop myself up for days working on an art piece than study infantry tactics and conducting weapons maintenance. i am in the wrong class. i should be enrolled in Berkley, or some arts school back east wearing worn out clothing, having a permanent stain from paint on my fingers, lead smudges on my face from sketching and clay on my shoes from throwing pottery all day. throwing pottery is what they call making it, because you actually throw slabs of clay down on the work table to flatten them out. i dont belong in the Marine Corps. my recruiter failed. fuck him. oh well, he made quota for that month.
i am so obsessed and nostalgic of the times when i would spend hours upon hours on a painting. it engulfs me. it is all i want to do. i miss that more than anything.
one day.
but this coming week should be good. going out into the field once again to the jungle. this time i will actually be doing my job. the whole taking pics and writing stories. awesome. maybe i will get some sweet shots. i hope so.
I am excited to go do something though. finally. time here ticks by as if each individual second is a whole month. and i still have yet to go out into the japanese culture. i say fuck it. i dont even like asians anyways. call it racist or call it what you may, i just dont appreciate they way they look and they way they interact with a white man such as myself. selfish, i know. white supremacist, a little. chauvinistic, yes. but it is how i feel. so fuck them.
but anyways i shall go and create. art. if resources are willing, a painting.
here's to you. my audience of one and the infinite portal known as cyberspace. may a random search engine find my blog for and avid reader who could spread the word.
