blank sheet of black paper with a black ink pen

just a couple more days and back in hawaii.

cant wait. i can not wait. even though i know when i get back, there will be the same monotony that i left there six months ago. but still. im somewhat comfortable there.

there is so much that i am going to force myself to experience. because doing nothing all the time really gets old. like surfing for instance. you would think i would have already done that. nope. havent.

life while waiting sucks a mean one though. its like time slows when you are waiting for something. and while time is slowing down your schedule seems to free up miraculously. so you have nothing to do except sit and wait for time.

its frustrating.

like when you want to watch TV and dont know where the remote it so you have to walk back and forth from the TV to change channels. not that i personally have put the effort to walk back and forth from the TV just to change channels. but that would be frustrating.

but, i dont really know what do to with myself. i have no ambition to do anything right now. and am struggling to word together sentences.

maybe i just need to get in trouble.
thats always a good thing. i mean, yeah, maybe the consequences that come from getting in trouble are negative. like degradation of reputation, loss of pay or wage or maybe just general disappointing your peers. that one can definitely be a killer. but when you get in trouble there is definitely no waiting going on. probably the best part is right before you get in trouble when you know your getting in trouble but no one else knows and your all anxious and stuff.

that feeling is the EXACT opposite of what i am feeling right now.

i feel like a slug.

A bus ride

recently, within the hour recently, i was inside of a bus.

riding in this enlongated automobile for more than an hour. to a destination not much different from where i was picked up.

it made me think why men/human beings in general strive. not only for material things but for acceptance. for an appreciation of ones own existince, that is, extra cirricular to ones own thought. and in striving to be remembered or to be noted as "one of the best" of something or simply to accomplish the goals a person may have, we get caught up riding in an automobile. to somehwere. where something has to be done. and then we leave and go back to where we came.

all the while, while this thought is running through my head, i am watching two fat-ass disgusting bitches flirt with this fat-ass guy. it annoyed me. one, because they were fat, two, because they were ugly and three, because they were enjoying themselves.

but for some reason i wished that i could, at least, have the intestinal fortitude to enter in to a conversation with more than one person. i was envying these people. these annoyances to my deep thoughts of life i was having while on the intra-camp shuttle in okinawa. ... haha

and it just pissed me off even more and made me more confused about why people do what they do. i mean why were these three people, who are never going to run for president or for neighborhood watch president in that matter, so intwined with eachother. what possesses an individual to care so much for something that will more than likely fail.

which brings me back to my starting question. why do we strive. for right now, my answer is because we have nothing better to do.

hopefully my answer will change.